Sunday, August 30, 2009

My husband has another woman

My husband has another woman and I am not particularly jealous. I am not jealous of her long slender curves and her natural shape or her ability to attract grown men. Sometimes I get a bit upset that Mark spends a significant amount of time with her.

So the 'other woman' is a metaphor for boats. For as long as Mark and I have lived together he has been absolutely obsessed with boats. In the darkest hours at night I often catch him surfing the net and also Trade Me looking at boats. Honestly, it’s a bit like non-sexual porn (there is absolutely no way that I can compete)! You should see our internet browsing history, boating building, wood for boats.

Don’t get me wrong I think it’s really great that he has another interest in addition to playing the guitar, tropical fish and brewing his own beer. However, I am not really into boating that much, so find it all a little “ho hum” most of the time.

Mark has now upped the ante a little and brought a book about boat building and from this he intends to buy a boat plan and start to build his own little boat. The only main problem that I have with this is will it float or sink. I still can’t get my head around a man made wooden boat floating (despite knowing that other people have done it successfully); I have visions of a mini-Titanic in Te Atatu Peninsula.

The one thing I am really sure about is that Mark is highly analytical and will do the research fully before undertaking even buying the boat plan. If anyone will succeed at this Mark will. So for the meantime until the boat is built and Mark is out fishing I will have to put up with late night boat browsing, boat envy (yes he looks twice when we drive past a boat) and Mark talking to me about boats.

It could be worse.

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Meeting people via the internet etc.

Times have definitely changed. When I started University back in the mid-90’s, I remember sitting in one of the computer labs with my friend Rebecca and we were actually bamboozled about how to use the internet.

Now in 2009 I look back and I can remember Rebecca and I trying to use the internet; it was a slow and painful process. Given the fact that now I usually have an internet browser open for most of my work day; I can’t even believe that we did not know how to use it.

Where would I be without the internet? Well I wouldn’t be married for starters and I would not have found life-time friend with common interests.

I thought that I could list a chronological history of my internet usage.

Late 90’s - my parents decided to get the internet at home. This opened up a huge world of opportunities for me! I joined Yahoo and started using their chat rooms to talk to people from all around the world. This was an amazing feat in itself. Yes, there were dodgy people out there, however for the most part the people that I came in contact with were interesting and fun.

Early-Mid 2000 – I found some really genuine, lovely people with common interests in US chat rooms. On a whim I decided to visit them for Christmas. This was a massive exploit in itself as I had not been to the USA before, had not met these people and had never spent a Christmas away from home. So on the 1st December 2000 I boarded a flight to LA. Once in LA I flew to Chicago and then on to Detroit. I was met by my “internet” buddy Will and we drove to his home in Reading, Michigan. Aside from being homesick in parts, I had a wonderful trip and met some great people. We had a crazy girl’s weekend in Ohio in the snow and danced the night away in various clubs. I spent a night in a motel room that was reminiscent of a cheap Hollywood horror with a big slash through the door!

2001 – I stumbled across a Yahoo group for New Zealand fans of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I had discovered Buffy when I was flatting; I kept my addiction to Buffy a secret for fear of being hassled for what could be considered a TV show for teenagers/children. Crazily enough I ended up using Buffy as part of a work speech.

This Yahoo group opened a huge door for me and many of the people that I met through this group have remained some of my closest friends. These are people who I feel comfortable with, and have also made me realise that I can see the deeper meanings in Movies, Books and TV shows.

I remember the first time I went to Kerry and Dave’s house; I was so nervous! I left that day feeling contented and happy after watching a lot of Buffy. I got home with a huge stack of Buffy videos so that I could catch up while the group waited for the next episodes of Buffy to arrive on video from a friend of Kerry’s in the USA. Thank you so much akldscoobies and nzscoobies you opened a door to “Narnia” and a world I would have surely missed had I not found you.

2001-2003 – While I have had a lot of wonderful experiences with meeting people on the internet, there have been a fair few nasty experiences that have balanced things out. I do not honestly know if I wanted to meet a partner on the internet, or if it was more that I just wanted to have some fun. I would say that 95% of the men I met were normal guys with no psychological problems; the other 5% what can I say?? Some were just plan nasty and scary human beings.

2002 – I moved in with a good friend Angela who I met through Buffy and we had a great time flatting with her sister in Avondale.

February 2003 – This marked a huge turning point in my life. I changed roles within the company that I worked for and decided to sell my car on Trade Me. While on Trade Me I found a NZ dating site (Findsomeone). I met a number of people through this site, and on about the 16th of February I got a message from a guy who lived in Wellington. Incidentally, Angela and I had just come back from a fun “up your bum Valentine’s day” weekend in Wellington. We started sending messages back and forth, and then started talking on the phone. Mark then threw in his job in Wellington and moved to Auckland (apparently he did not move up here for me...). We met in April 2003 in Hamilton. We moved in together in September 2003 and while there have been numerous ups and downs; we have been married for over a year and have been together for almost 6.5 years.

2008/2009 – I found Facebook, and connected with old school/university friends that I had lost touch with. While Facebook does not take the place of face-to-face contact or phone calls, it does provide a quick way to keep up-to-date with what happening with friends and family.

May 2009 – I discovered Twitter after listening to the Morning Madhouse and Jay-Jay and Dom raving about Twitter. I joined, and for the first couple of weeks I wondered what the big deal was about. Then all of a sudden I discovered NZ people using the site and over the past few weeks of July/August I have really learnt to LOVE Twitter.

It seems crazy to me that about 10 years ago I struggled to use the internet, and 2008/2009 has opened the door for me to social networking sites, blogs and just in the last day or so RSS Feeds. It makes me wonder what 2010+ will bring.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009


Once upon a time I used to be a confident, fairly opinionated person. Over the years, I have learnt to curb my opinions as my confidence has plummeted.

A tweet I received today made me think about why I no longer freely express my opinions like I did when I was younger. Tweet: from velofille @nessliddell if you aren’t sure just say your opinion and if you are corrected then you learnt something.

When I was at school I had a number of friends who were quite opinionated. I found that when I would express my own opinion these friends would almost override my opinion with their own. Over time my confidence started to dwindle as I became sick of having to constantly justify my own opinions, and also to fight to get my opinions heard. To me they were sound debaters and in a way I guess I thought that they were a lot more intelligent than me. I gradually learnt to keep my opinions mostly to myself; only expressing them when I was confident to back them up and not back down.

The other thing that I have realised looking back, is that I would also change my opinion to fit with the majority (even if I didn’t fully agree). Unfortunately, I soon realised that I could avoid conflict completely either by hiding my opinions or changing them to suit the situation. I absolutely hate conflict, and underpinning that is the fear that people will stop liking me because our opinions differ. Also, when I get frustrated or angry I tend to cry, which most people see as a sign of weakness especially in women. I am afraid that if I start expressing my opinion with him, that he will just shoot me down and I will once again be that teenager who let other’s opinions override my own.

As an adult I still reserve my opinions and let fear hold me back.

Currently, my father-in-law is a prime example of when I hold my tongue. I do like him however, he is HIGHLY opinionated, constantly talks about politics and he can be incredibly overbearing (mind you my father is very similar). He is intelligent and respects people that can openly debate with him about anything and everything. I was quite interested in politics at university and got involved a lot, however I don’t feel comfortable debating with my father-in-law or even expressing my opinion. Personally, I don’t care if Helen Clark is a lesbian (what bearing did that have on her as a prime minister), I don’t care to hear racist comments about people and frankly believe there is more to life than politics. Mark and I were raised at very different ends of the political spectrum and as a couple; we try not to talk about politics as a rule. Suffice to say, I don’t go to Wellington a lot.

So where do I go from here? I need to start understanding that an opinion is just that and I believe that we all have the right to express our own. I need to start believing in myself and rebuilding my confidence in my own opinions. If people decide not to like me because of my opinions then do I really want or need them in my life?

So here’s to my “happily ever after”.....

Monday, August 24, 2009


My guilty little secret; I am an absolute wiz at procrastination. When I was at school I thought that when I finally hit adulthood that I would grow out of it. Unfortunately, at 34 years old it does not seem to have happened.

I procrastinate in both my work and personal life. I sometimes wonder if work procrastination comes from a lack of confidence in my own ability to make decisions and to have confidence in those decisions. In previous jobs I have left the hardest jobs (or the jobs I do not want to do) until last and would do everything in my power to avoid having to do them; only to find that when I actually got stuck into the task that it was not that difficult. I have read Eat that Frog and the Fish Philosophy and they always inspire me. I stick to their philosophies but eventually fall back into old habits.

The other thing that I have struggled with since having a job where my confidence was knocked out of me, is asking questions. I constantly fail to ask questions as I do not want to appear stupid, and this often holds me up on particular tasks. Then I start to stew and get even more stressed out, and then I wickedly procrastinate!

How do I break the procrastination habits of a life time?

I will write my “to do” lists and start tackling at least 2 things from both my work and personal lists each day until they are finished. I will tackle the jobs I least like or that are hard in the morning and get them out of the way. I will try not to use social networking sites to put off inevitable jobs and I will close my email and only open it a few times a day.

Just for the record Twitter, Facebook and email’s are great procrastination tools for me!

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

When burglary just isn’t enough of an invasion?

Aside from the obvious crimes that I can’t stand like murder, rape etc. I completely hate burglary! It makes me feel physically sick. I am almost tempted to suggest that convicted burglars have a hand amputated!

After reading a news story on a website today about a cat having to be euthanized after burglars kicked it so hard they broke its pelvis and tail. Not to mention the internal injuries! I felt that I had to write a little bit about my opinion of burglary.

For me this story also hit a nerve, because I am constantly afraid of our cats getting brutalised for absolutely no good reason. I don’t particularly care about material possessions, as most of them can be easily replaced...but people and animals can’t! They are defenceless!

Seriously, burglary feels a little to me like wanting to keep up with the Jones’s. For example, you want a flat screen, plasma TV. Don’t save for it, or even put it on HP. No, just go and steal it from the house down the road.

What makes burglars believe that they DESERVE to steal someone else’s property for themselves, or to on-sell to make some cash??? Who the hell do you think you are?? What gives you the right?

Also, what makes some people think that they deserve to take what someone else has? Do they think that they are worse off because they had a bad childhood? Grow up, most people had bad thing happens in their childhood, and most of us can rise above it somewhat!

I don’t believe anyone deserves to be robbed. Rich or poor people still value their possessions! Not to mention anyone who is robbed probably feels a deep sense of invasion. “Hey, burglars p#ss off, get a job, don’t go to my house and steal my things, or hurt my cats”.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Spring Vegetable Garden

When we moved into our new place we decided we really wanted a veggie garden. My friend and landlord kept saying “oh you need to put in your winter garden”. Suffice to say it’s nearly spring and we obviously did not put in a winter garden.

Perhaps if we had spent a little less creating virtual farms on Farmtown, then we would have actually made our own garden.

The area for the garden is pretty much ready, although it needs another weed before we raise it slightly and put soil and compost in.

The best thing is, is that we live in an incredibly fertile area. I think a lot of the land was actually market gardens. Citrus grows really well.

To be honest I am kind of excited and apprehensive about having a garden. I am excited because we get to grow our own food, but apprehensive because I really want it to work. Both my parents are avid gardeners, so it’s funny for me to not really have a green thumb in the slightest.

So Mark and I really need to get started, otherwise we are going to miss another season for gardening and growing our own beautiful, yummy vegetables.

Feeling a little more motivated now, perhaps we will weed this weekend and get the top soil and compost in!

Next year I might consider some spring flowers.

DVD Marathon

I managed to have a blob out day watching DVD’s yesterday (Sunday) which was quite nice. Waited for Mark to get up, and when that didn’t happen I started watching movies.

Started with Paperback Hero again, but DVD kept skipping so started watching Kickin’ it Old School, which was funny, although a little cringe-worthy at times. I decided against watching Vicky Cristina Barcelona, as just really wasn’t that keen. Then I had a bit of a break and did a bit of cleaning and loaded some stuff on Trade Me. I then watched Bride Wars which was quite good, and a little sad in parts.

Went out and picked up some bits and pieces for dinner, and strayed into the video store. I came out $8 poorer with Confessions of a Shopaholic (which I sincerely enjoyed) and Transporter 3 (loved the action and driving scenes...sure 3 movies is now sufficient?).

I didn’t even do any reading!

Monday, August 10, 2009

Love weekends away!

Mark and I have just got back from a superb trip to the picturesque Bay of Islands for the 2009 Jazz and Blues Festival ( We went with our good friends who absolutely love Jazz and we actually shared an apartment that had separate bedrooms (funnily enough) and bathrooms.

Friday 7th August, 2009
We managed to get away from Auckland in the late afternoon and started our drive up North. We made really good time, and I read my book until it got dark. We got to Paihia in 3.5 hours, which was pretty good considering it was a Friday. We waited about half an hour for Raewyn and Roy to arrive, and then popped into Franks on the waterfront for a drink, before heading into the ‘mall’ to get our badges from one of the venues.

Unfortunately, the bouncer at Cruza Bar would not even look at the tickets that we had that said “you can exchange these for badges at ANY venue”. So Cruza Bar, you get a fail this time! I am about to write a letter of complaint to the manager of this bar, and also the organizers as I was disgusted. This bar will NEVER get my business.

So a little dejectedly we headed down to the Paihia Pacific Resort, where the welcome was much friendly. We told them the problem that we had, had and they were a little annoyed on our behalf. Watched Barry Charles, who was extremely talented as was his amazing harmonica player. He isn’t really my style, but I could not help but admire talent. We then watched the first part of Shingle Bob’s set. I do not know where to start on this one, they are amazing! Their lead singer is fabulous and a true performer; awesome interaction with the audience. I could not stop talking about them all weekend. As a venue I think that the Paihia Pacific is a bit tired, and they definitely need to look at ventilation or air conditioning for next year.

On a side note, I was a little surprised to see that the Lighthouse Tavern/Bar was shut. I spent a lot of great ‘single girl’ nights there with friends, and for me it holds a great deal of memories. From the time that I had so many beers brought for me, the bartender leaned over and said “just tell me when you want your next beer, otherwise they will get warm” to doing the splits in the middle of the bar and our tongues turning different colours from all the Vodka Cruisers!

Saturday 8th August, 2009
We started the morning with a beautiful Salmon Omelette looking out over the bay from my favourite cafĂ© (aptly named ‘Over the Bay’). I had decided that it was best to catch the ferry over to Russell early and get a good seat the Duke and stay there for the afternoon. So we wandered around for a bit and then had another hot drink and some chocolate cake, whilst watching the beautiful fish in the seawater tank at 35°. Mark and I then hoped on a ferry and managed to score a great table in the corner, and we settled in for an afternoon of great music, wine, beer and nibbles.

The lineup included Shingle Bob, Good Oil, Shimian, Brilleaux, Kokomo, Funky Do Da's and Riverhead Slide. I absolutely loved Brilleaux and Shingle Bob! We then went back to the Paihia Pacific which was absolutely packed! We sat outside in the foyer and had a drink. Met the girls selling the Brilleaux CD’s and then brought a couple for the drive home. We then popped back to our apartment and watched a bit of Telethon and then went to bed.

Sunday 9th August, 2009
Another lovely breakfast up at Waitangi, and then we drove up to Kerikeri to see the farmers market. I was really excited about the farmers market, but I was a little disappointed when we got there. Perhaps I am spoilt by our local farmers market in Oratia. Anyway, we brought some goodies and tried some crazy hot chili sauce!! We then drove back towards Auckland and stopped in at Makana confectionery where we got to drive some divine chocolate. There are no nasties in these yummy treats!

Got home and had cuddles with our cats, and then had a rather relaxing afternoon watching the end of Telethon.